Tuesday, August 7, 2007

To Be or Not To Be...In Control

Do you have to be in control of situations? A very interesting thing happened to me, in my bible study group we are going through some "life training" material. Last week we discussed the need to be in control. I took a simple survey: does it bother you when you're not in control?; does it bother you when things don't go your way?; do you try to change people?; do you get impatient when people don't do things right?; you get the point. And I thought, well YES, to all, but is that wrong?

I thought I'm not the type that needs to be in "control", I just offer "advice" on how to do things "right". Is that controlling? When my daughter or son calls to tell me what's going on and I say, well if you did this, or go there, or.... Now I ask you, is that being in control? Oh, My!

I was almost able to convince myself that this was not a form of control; then I thought about the time, it happened several years ago; I was working 40+ hours a week, coming home, being the wife, mom, housekeeper, etc. And I was tired but I made nachos for dinner, cleaned up the kitchen, put everything away, and went to bed. I got up in the morning and found a bowl on the counter. My husband had a nacho "snack" after playing basketball and left the bowl sitting on the counter, with dried cheese all inside of it! I cannot begin to write how much this upset me! I couldn't stop talking about it at work, I was THAT upset. After work, I go home, bowl still on the counter. I cook dinner, wash the dishes (I didn't have a dishwasher and only just got my first one 2 years ago after 35 years of marriage!); anyway, I left the bowl on the counter. I'll show him I thought. In the morning, the bowl was still there; after work it was still there; same dinner/wash dishes routine, and the bowl was still there. I left that bowl sitting there for 2 WEEKS! And do you want to know something? I was the ONLY one being affected by that dirty/cheesey bowl. I had an upset stomach every night waiting for my husband to do something about it, but he never did. I let a BOWL make me "sick"! Isn't that just wrong? Of course I washed the bowl and immediately felt better. Now who or what was I trying to be in control of? A bowl? My husband? It's funny now but it's just SAD that I ever let it go that far! Sometimes looking at yourself can be painful! But enlightening! And now, I honestly don't think my husband even realized that I was upset!

Okay, so now I know there is only ONE in control and I need to accept that and stop trying to run my children's lives and taking charge when it appears to ME that someone needs to.

So I ask you again, do you always need to be in control?


Kim said...

Oh my!!!
I am totally with you Jackie!! I need to be in control. It's funny some things I can let go but others...no way. I have a similar story too..It was a dirty diaper though(a wet one) it laid on my kitchen floor for 4 days before I couldnt take it any longer and threw it out. DH didnt even realize it was there, let alone why I was mad!
I know now this is part of hte reason why my Mom and I dont get along sometimes. She is the queen of control. She wont let my DH do laundry or do the dishwasher because she doesnt like how he does it. Then complains that he doe not help around the house! Of course not, you wont let him!!

Janette Waite said...

Whats the old saying Girls!

LET IT GO!! You Will feel better in the long run.